"Dear Mr. Norman (if that is your real name),
We deplore your speciesist behavior in arbitrarily proclaiming a 'Dog of the Day' on the Bicycle Retailer and Industry News Web site and have instructed our staff, longtime BRAIN contributor Patrick O'Grady, to so inform you. We would happily scratch your eyes out, but we feel a nap coming over us."
—Turkish (a.k.a. Turkenstein, The Turkinator, Big Pussy, Mighty Whitey the Blue-Eyed Bully of Bibleburg, et al), and his understudy, Mia Sopaipilla