MADISON, WI (BRAIN)—In response to the recent Pacific-Saris challenge to Industry Cup crit racers, Planet Bike has decided to “put its money where its mouth is” by issuing its own challenge.
“This ‘SchwycleOps’ challenge really primed the pump for us,” said Erik “Minnesota Slim” Olson. “We’re going to Vegas to do two things; shoot dice and drop SchwycleOps. And I figure we’ll be tired of dice by Wednesday, so there’ll only be one thing left to do come Thursday night.”
The uber-domestique Olson will be teaming with Bob “Boss Man” Downs for a Planet Bike one-two combo punch in the Industry Cup criterium. Along with bringing an Old Country Buffet sized portion of beat down to the race, they’re also going to be sweetening the pot for bicycle advocacy. Planet Bike will make a $5000 donation in the company name of the last rider to cross the line (DNF and pulled riders don’t count) to the Thunderhead Alliance. The DFL rider will also walk away with a Planet Bike Alias HID lighting system and other swag.
Downs and Olson have been sleeping in oxygen tents, crunching watt readouts, and having one-handed push-up contests in the 90 degree heat on the roof of Planet Bike warehouse in preparation for the event, always to the music of a David Lee Roth-fronted Van Halen. They have also lately stepped up their speed training by getting involved in the local Madison underground motorcycle street racing scene.
“I really feel like I can lay the bike into the corners and punch it on the straight-aways now with no fear,” Olson said coolly about his newfound handling skills. “If only my road bike had a throttle.”
Earlier on Thursday Planet Bike will also be hosting its second annual Ping Pong Tournament in Booth 1424. Like last year, Planet Bike will make a $2000 donation in the winner’s name to the bicycle advocacy of their choice, and $1000 for second place.